Terminated

"We will no longer be requiring your services" All Job Prospects Shall Be EliminatedAll Job Prospects Shall Be Eliminated

That was how I found out I was losing my job. It was the end of my shift at the end of a fairly normal night for me at my most previous job. I did have some warning about this as I had been put on probation at said job two months prior but the news still hit me like a slap in the face. My first reaction was shock and later that day it turned to relief. After living for multiple months with uncertainty about my future at least now I finally knew my fate. During that time I was also dealing with some rough conditions brought on by previous bad life decisions which made the uncertainty about whether I would continue to have income even harder to endure. The stress was getting close to breaking me but I stuck with it the best I could and continued to try to improve at the job that I had grown to love. Unfortunately my best was simply not enough and the relief of knowing my fate was at best, bittersweet.

When I asked about why I was being terminated I got a generic "at will employment" response that offered me no solace. Without knowing exactly what I had done wrong it will be hard for me to improve in the future. I want to believe that I was simply not good at my job. I may have been delusional about my job performance for a while as I did feel I did good work and as far as I know I never had any complaints from fellow co-workers or clients about the work that I did. It was rare that I would get negative feedback about the work that I was doing and customer praise seemed to come in regularly. These factors may have contributed to me having an inflated sense of worth to the company I served. When I was put on probation however I was given a rude awakening. The reason for my probation was due to poor job performance. The circumstances of which were a bit muddled and I never got a clear answer on what I could do to improve said performance however this was the only negative feedback I had really gotten that seemed of substance so it is all I have to go on now when trying to understand where I had gone wrong.

I have a more crazy theory that there was something else about my place in the company that caused me to be let go. It was strange that after being put on probation for poor job performance the people who were in charge of rating my job performance and training me to be a better employee seemed to refuse to help. Pleas for more understanding fell on deaf ears as my emails for clarification about what I was doing wrong were ignored. Meetings that were supposed to take place during my probation to review my progress also never happened and my termination came about at 1 month before the end of my probation. All of these factors do make me think that there may have been a different reason than job performance for me to be fired. Perhaps the probation was just a bit of red tape that was required to get the process started of getting me out the door. However theories like this are full of paranoia and narcissism. I am trying to be a bit less self involved so I am choosing to not delve too deep down this path just now. Even if the evidence is there to support such thoughts.

So where does this leave me?

I am 30 and I have been down this road enough times that I am almost not even phased by making big life changes any longer. However I am also getting to the point that I do not think I have the energy for too many more of these. So I don't know exactly what to do. There is either something wrong with my work ethic or my personality that is causing me to only work places for about 3 years at time before moving on. Historically I have quit jobs after about this much time, this time the choice was out of my hands. Still it seems I may be looking forward to a life of constantly shifting jobs/homes/lifestyles. I may have adapted well to constant flux over the years but I crave stability now more than ever. I have had plenty of adventures in my life and I just want to sit back and enjoy the simple things. I just wish I knew where to start. I suppose as usual I will start at the only place I can, at the end. My time with this company may have come to an end but my journey continues on.

Onward, to the next adventure!

Falling Back...

My last major update about my own personal life on this here blog was about the optimism of summer. Well it seems much if not all of the optimistic attitude has faded from my life. Ron is not happy about the increase to minimum wage!

Lately I have, as I have many times before, been massively worried about my financial situation. This was bound to happen I suppose as my bills finally caught up with my part-time minimum wage job and have overtaken my life yet again. I don't know why I expected a company like Mcdonalds to really treat it's employees well at all. I guess I bought into all of the crap they tell you while hiring you about how much they care about you and want to see you succeed in the world. In the back of my head I knew then that they were full of shit but I was remaining blissfully ignorant at the time and hoped for the best. As it turns out they don't actually care and treat their employees how you would expect an evil mega-corporation to treat them, more or less like slaves. Is that too extreme? I think not, and I am sure it is not even that shocking as anyone can guess that would be the case. I worked hard, they told me I did good even "honored" me by making me employee of the month and then proceeded to shaft me by giving me less and less hours when I told them I could not afford to work there if I received any less hours than I was already receiving. Basically there is no reward for doing a good job at this company so I made a decision right then to stop doing a good job. Worst case scenario they fire me and I collect some nice rewarding unemployment, more likely scenario they continue to cut my hours more and more every week and my situation continues to worsen. It is obvious to me that Mcdonalds would have a higher quality work force if they paid their employees more and treated them better. A better work force would of course turn into a higher quality product which would result in more customers and in the end more money for them. Being a large corporation however, they will never go for such an action as cutting costs on labor provides a more immediate monetary boost where getting more customers might take some time, and they would have to take a hit on their bottom line until those customers start becoming loyal.

Then again maybe I was just spoiled working for a local business that paid decent wages and treated it's employees with respect. Times are changing and I shouldn't expect to work anywhere and be treated well anymore. That is just the state of things in this country now. Corporations own the government, corporations hate people, and in the end people are going to be sacrificed for the bottom line every time and sadly there is not much any of us people can do about it.

In any case I am looking for a second job, I have some leads that I am hopeful about. I will report back with more info when I get it. That is if I still can afford to pay for my internet...

The Summer of Ian...

...has begun. In the constant struggle to improve my own life and make myself something more than I am. I realize that setting my goals too high is a huge mistake.

I can't change my diet overnight, I can't become a famous filmmaker in just one year.

It is all about taking those small steps now. The little steps towards something bigger.

This summer should be a great one. For the first time in years my mind is not clouded with addiction. I have a stable job and a good place to live. I am reconnecting with lost friends. Things just seem to be falling into place exactly how they need to. I am hoping to see a few short films made this summer, more great podcasts to be released.

If things work how I would like them to, this summer is going to be a great launching point for things to come. It is very exciting for me. I feel as if I am finally out of the hole I have been in all this time.

Wish me luck as I try to enjoy this ride.

In my mind it feels like....

...summer. I don't know why. But I have been rather optimistic and creative lately, a strange thing to be this time of year. I think having less distractions at home and a bit more space to roam around has relieved some stress in my life and made my mind open back up a bit. In a way I am glad my computer is down. I have to find other things to do, I have to think about things other than the random movies I download and games I play.

I started writing a song yesterday, I like it so far. I am still working on my short story as well. I have been writing every day and it feels great. I hope I can keep it up.

Now if only I could have some more money in my life, things would be just about perfect...

Money Woes..

There is not an ounce of logical thinking when it comes to banks. I try to be careful with my spending because I know if I go over I am facing hundreds of dollars in overdraft charges. The last time I spent money on my account I had 15 dollars in it, I spent twelve and haven't touched my debit card in weeks. I have cashed a check since then with no problem. Yet today when I tried to cash another check I was somehow in the hole. They said that when I spent 12.71 two weeks ago I only had an even 12 in my account, so they just recently decided to take more money out to fuck me.

Is there a bank that runs on computers so that transactions may show up quicker than two weeks? I mean they show up, but then they are removed and re-added a few times until your account is empty. It is the dumbest fucking bullshit ever.

As a result I am going back to paying cash for everything from now on, I am tired of banks being cock-whores who can't use a computer to save their lives. With the billions of dollars you have and are now getting from us taxpayers banks, upgrade to at least 1970s technology and by a computer. Fucktards.

Also, I forgot to clock out one day last week and now my paycheck is 50-70 dollars lighter than it should be. Gar.

Hopefully I get that cleared up before next Friday, or else I am eating only potatoes until then. Go America!