Breaking up with Social Media - Part Four - Becoming Ian

Over time I matured, and the internet matured with me.

Another huge change in my life happened that also forever changed me much like my love of the internet changed me in the years prior.

I mentioned how I had grown up in a small town that more or less repressed the person I felt I was inside. Well, in 2001 that all changed as my Dad decided it was time to move out of that small town and into a very liberal college town instead. This move happened as I transitioned from Middle School to High School. At first this felt completely traumatizing to me, as my personal anxieties have never made it easy for me to handle large changes in my life. However as I began to meld into this new school and this new life something kind of remarkable happened. I found that I no longer needed “Family” Ian while at school. People here accepted me for who I was. Being gay, or nerdy, or a weirdo were no longer things that I would be picked on for. Teachers would encourage these types of behavior and push me to be more of myself, I found new friends who were into all the anime and video games and computers I was into.

Online Ian met the real world. It was glorious and possibly the best time of my life. There is nothing more affirming than to be able to be yourself and be loved for it. This is what I got at East Lansing High School and is when the version of myself that was born and developed online really solidified into that main version of myself that I would become.

I still spent a lot of time online during this period, but almost all of the socializing I would do would be mostly with people I knew in real life. The popular method of online chat by this point was AOL instant messenger, which I used constantly when I was online at my computer. I had built my own websites before, but now I was building websites together with real life human friends that I knew in person. I began to become very self reflective during this time. Being accepted by strangers, again, but this time in real life made me start to question what had gone so wrong in my hometown, and question what was so wrong with my family. I had always loved to write and so when I found the site Livejournal I knew it was time to start getting all of my shit out.

My first blog post, from the day after my birthday 2002.

My first blog post, from the day after my birthday 2002.

I started a blog where I would talk about my feelings, my thoughts, my fears, my anxieties. I had discussed these kinds of things in chats with people before but never in a long form method like this where my thoughts could fully form and develop. This was again, a very trans-formative thing for me. I met even more new friends on blogging sites that also had an interest in figuring their complex emotional shit out, and we helped each other with encouragement and support to navigate what was going on in our minds and our lives. Having a place you can go where you can go as deep as you want to into your own messy mind and be still be accepted by other people is amazing. I cannot imagine the kind of person I would be today if I never stopped back then as a teenager to try to decide who I was as a person and discover why I thought the way I did about the world. In a way Family Ian was still alive when at home and at Church, Online Ian became just Ian and that version of me would continue to develop further with these new outlets for self-analysis.

At this point a new presence was starting to take hold on the internet. The advent of social media websites was upon us, and things would change forever.

Concluded in Part Five…

Farewell Livejournal…

I have made a decision, and I am going to stick with it. I am officially leaving Livejournal forever. It has been 7 years since my first post on this site, and boy how things have changed. I was in High School then and this whole internet thing was still pretty neat. There are so many memories here that I will cherish forever. Livejournal has been a source of solace for me in the past and I am sure it continues to be such for many of you still here.

However I have moved on. I have grown up. I still appreciate this site for what it is and what it has given me but it is time to move on.

I just don't have the time or attention span to maintain an online presence in as many places as I do anymore.

With that said, I will keep this account open, all of the posts will still be here and if anyone chooses to comment them I will still get an email notification and reply.

If you wish to continue to follow my adventures in this crazy life of mine you can find me on facebook or just stop by my home on the web.

I will be going through these old posts and putting some of the highlights in my green-glasses.com site. So keep an out for those. And thanks for all the memories, I love you guys who have followed me and been my friend here. I hope you all are doing great :)

Livejournal

I sometimes wonder why I even post to this ancient site anymore. I realize more and more that every time I do I seem to get far more attention to my posts on facebook than I do on here. I could just remove the middle man and post straight to facebook, but then I feel like I would be throwing away the countless years I have spent here. Then again I did throw away the countless years I spent at GreatestJournal considering my journal there was deleted.

Dying sites delete things when they die. How long will it be until livejournal dies? Should I be worried about my journal leaving this world forever? I suppose I could back it up with one of those handy archival applications.

It is New Years Eve today, the end of another decade is upon us tonight, to me New Years always just feels like another day though. I have never found myself getting too caught up in the idea of it. According to popular sources we only have but two years left to live life on this planet. Once again the end of all civilization is close at hand!

Welcome Back Livejournal!

I finally got around to re-adding the livejournal app to my phone, so I should be posting regular again. A quick update on what is new with me. Olivia and I have broken up, The Bulock Show is up and running (even though I have not edited our last podcast in a week.) I am dieting once again, my computer is down and summer is giving me lots of hope for the future.

More later.