Brain Bad! Sleep Good?

Unlike many people I know I have no issues at all falling asleep at night. While common sense would dictate this is due to mostly biological reasons I found myself pondering tonight the neurological reasons behind this. More specifically my perspective on the neurological reasons based on my own understandings of the science and my own understanding of myself. (In better words, read this at your own risk, I am an expert in neither neurological science nor myself.)

First off, I may not have a very typical brain. Which is, probably, fairly typical for most people to believe. That being said, I do think there is something.. off.. about how my brain works compared to what I have been conditioned to know as "typical".

My entire life I have experienced "shocks". I do not know how else to describe this feeling. It simply feels like every electrical switch in my body is being triggered all at once. The feeling starts inside my brain and blinds my senses from within before washing over my entire body with electrical stimulus. It does not hurt, nor does it ever last any longer than it would take for an electron to signal a nervous response across your body. (Basically no time at all.) Overall the entire thing feels most closely like a wave of static electricity that bursts from within my head and spreads throughout every nerve in my body, never jarring enough to entice an outward physical response but at the same time being completely overwhelming for me internally.

 

It is a feeling I have never been able to contain, nor control. Yet at the same time it has never been something that has given me any cause for serious alarm as the symptoms are almost pleasurable, if but for that precise moment.

 

It is a whole body catharsis that happens in an instant and is gone before you have any trouble with it at all.

 

So.. that is a lot of preface... I guess I meandered there for a bit but I thought having a longer explanation of that in writing may have been good for me. In any case I do not seem to be the only person I know who has experienced this as both my mother and brother have reported similar experiences in the past. Most likely this is some sort of genetic neurological disorder that I am neither qualified nor able to diagnosis. Either way, it is a part of who I am.

But how does this relate to sleep?

Damn... sometimes I start typing but have no idea where I may end up.

I guess my initial point was going to be something along the lines of...

My brain seems to be extra active almost all of the time. Whether this is holding multiple conversations with multiple facets of my own personality with myself in my head at all times, or it be just rambling into incoherent spaces of non-linear thinking, or just imagining worlds and storylines that only I will ever see or know... there is always an unbelievable amount of non-sense going in in my head at any given moment. I really cannot ever honestly keep up with myself sometimes. I am not trying to say that having an active mind is necessarily a good thing, I am actually starting to wonder if it is the sign of pending mental anguish. (mental health does seem to go pretty quick in my family, and I think I read somewhere once that people with active minds tend to go all dementia/Alzheimer's quicker than most, which is fitting with family history..)

Actually, once again I am not sure I know my point with this whole thing. Right, back to basics.

Strange neurological symptoms may help explain constantly active mind which may then in turn explain sleep.

There I was... sleep. I keep losing track of what I was thinking of. Actually I never quite lost track of it, it was just fading into the background noise of the countless other threads of mental processing happening in my chaos pool I call home (my brain.)

The moral of this story is this.

I exert myself physically much less than almost any other person I know. Yet, I fall asleep much easier than almost any other person I know. Even if these people exert themselves physically to the point of utter exhaustion I can always fall asleep easier and more quickly than most.

I don't think that my ability to fall asleep has any relation whatsoever to how tired I am. I am starting to think that my philosophy on sleep may just be different.

Over my life I have heard many people tell me how they long to sleep easy at night and stay asleep for an entire night.

I long for the opposite. I long for enough time awake to finish all the things I am thinking about. Only the things I am thinking about (much like this story) never seem to end. Instead I spend all of my time fighting to cling to consciousness. My mind only ever succumbing to sleep after it is battered down, defenseless, and ready to submit to it.

Which, with a mind like mind, is almost always.

So from this weary traveler to you dear reader, thanks for sticking around. :)

The Depths of Imagination - Exploring an Infinite Universe

The human mind is an amazing thing, almost everyone can agree with this statement. The shear wonder of what is can create is astonishing. I have been wanting to write about how my mind works for a long time now. I am sure that mine works the same as many other peoples but as I am not a student of psychology I do not have a lot of information on the subject. Either way, here we go. I find myself very separated from reality in general. Introverted would be the common way to describe this and from my understanding this would be a very apt way to describe my interactions with the world. I do not relate to, or find emotional attachment to other humans.  I am sure this is a very common thing but not something I hear many people openly admitting to. I spend much of my time staring into space, most likely looking very vacant to the common passerby. Vacant is the worst way to describe my mind however as it is anything but. Inside this head of mine is multiple universes of my own creation. Characters, stories, locations, and timelines that stretch for thousands of years. Sometimes these people and places have detailed histories, sometimes they are just set decoration. There are stories in my head that have been cultivated for decades. Fantasies that have started small when I was just a wee lad and have grown in complexity over the years.  On any given day at least a few of these fictional universes are running simultaneously in my mind with the rest being put on pause until I come back to them later. Each of these stories gets a few more key plot points each day, the characters interact and learn life lessons.

I do not know for sure how many other people have such vivid fantasies or worlds in their heads but I am willing to bet most people do even if they are not always aware of it. For me these worlds are much more interesting than the one in which I actually live. Through my entire life I have been able to enter these worlds myself, it is not something I can easily describe to be honest. It is like being able to step through a portal and join the fictional characters directly. To me these worlds are as real as our own and when I step into them I living in a realm of my own creation. I am not actually sure what is happening with my own body when I do this. From the few times my parents had walked in on me in this state of mind as a child I remember it being described as looking like I was 'dancing'. I have always been embarrassed to enter my mind in this way when other people are around as I truly do not know what actions I am taking with my physical body, it is not something I am directly controlling when I enter into these planes of imagination.

I wish I knew if other people entered their minds in this way like I do. I feel as if this also might be something common, but I am not sure as nobody ever seems to describe this.  The entire reason I am writing this now is because I really would like to know if this experience is something I have in common with my fellow humans or if this is something more unique.

Either way, I love the way my brain works. The depth of my imagination has always been the favorite part of myself.  Exploring the depths of my mind, living in fantasy worlds and having adventures is thankfully something I have never had to give up upon growing older. It is something I would never want to give up as well, I could not imagine living a life in just one plane of existence. I am sure I could describe this in more detail but that would require many more words than I care to write at the moment. If you are still reading this, thank you for your interest in the madness that is me. I wish I could bring other people with me on my adventures, maybe someday technology would allow such a thing.